First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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