youre lurking in front of me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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