need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
