I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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