Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
