its not stalking. its research.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
