1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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