If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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