You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
