my phone needs a breathalizer
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so let's talk penis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
