We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
