Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
