His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
