walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
