This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
