Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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