I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
