your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
