Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
