We're facebook friends in real life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
