You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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