I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
