I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
