it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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