all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to sanitize my soul.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
