She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
