I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
