If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
