The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude. I can hear the air.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
