Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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