i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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