she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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