Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We named our party play list daddy issues
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
