He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
