if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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