dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
