He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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