a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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