and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
