I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
