There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
