i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
