I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There r osticjed everywhere
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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