i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
