I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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