The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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