This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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