Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
