I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
