i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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