She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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