Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
