1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
