tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
