I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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