I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
