the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
