Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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