The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my being single is dangerous.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's never too late to be topless.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
