I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are we still banned from the library?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
