my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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