you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
