I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
