I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
