grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
