By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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