i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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