carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit