Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.