if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony