The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first