I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.