Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
