I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats