I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls