There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
