No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When did angry sex become our thing?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
